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Stories, gossip, articles on dance styles ... whatever! - Write In!
We need the official or completely made up versions of :
- The Chicken
- The Water Fight
So far, we have:
Hi Alan
I have a short article I'd like to anonymously add to the Beach Boogie stories page -
For anyone who missed the Beach Boogie party, I'll explain the there were some wooden stocks used at various times throughout the week to punish those who had misbehaved. They
were there in an attempt to maintain a small amount of law and order in the Sandown Bay holiday centre.
To mention some examples of misbehaviour, Simon White was an obvious ring leader in starting water fights, Northern Derek took far too much pleasure from videoing other
peoples misfortunes, and Julia Flower was dealt with slightly harshly for smiling too much whilst dancing. All ended up in the stocks, though this was perhaps a bit hard on Julia as she
also received a cake in her face for her birthday.
But the main reason for this article is to mention a certain Mark Fleming who got away with 'murder' throughout the week and escaped unpunished. I have a list of some of his
mistamenas, but would be grateful for any additions from other persons in the know. A special punishment evening may be arranged if there is enough demand - and if we have some good suggestions for punishment.
Current list:-
Main organiser in the taping up of Simon's and Nigel's cars whilst they were at the
gangsters and molls evening (slightly forgivable as he was supposed to be a gangster) (but slightly unforgivable as Tico (Nina's dog) was trapped in Nigel's car, obviously very
disturbed by the antics outside).
Starting several water fights, admittedly on a small scale, but all out war did break out on each occasion, and when added together, casualties ran into the hundreds (he is also
suspected of hard boiling the eggs subsequently used in the pie fight).
Getting up to major rumpy pumpy with a certain member of chalet 75 whose identity I will protect (chalet 75 consisted of Sarah, Carol, Fiona and William
) This was particularly bad as each time Sarah went to bed, she either found that her pillow had been stolen, or there
was a hairy arse pointing straight at her, or she had to wait to climb into her bunk till it stopped rocking.
He is still high on the suspect list for stealing Rena's tent, though we would have thought
he'd have the decency to give it back by now - so until further evidence is received we can't send him down for this one yet. But, I think worst of all is that when he became aware of his
increasing popularity during the 'in the stocks selection procedure' he actually secretly dismantled the stocks and hid them for 3 whole days - I propose that he should spend an
equivalent amount of time in the stocks with hourly visits from anybody with sloppy stuff to pour over him. To give you an idea of suitable substances - I do have a portable loo which
needs emptying (hope that doesn't give away my identity)
hope this starts the ball rolling
Anon
FISH!
Hi Alan
it's Mr anon again, this time giving you a very unbiased account of the fish incident.
It goes something like this -
Once upon a time at Beach Boogie there was a chalet with 4 very naughty people in it (chalet 75 to be precise). To be fair to them, their vices were probably accentuated by having such
angels next door in 76. Chalet 75 consisted of -
Sarah who had the BIGGEST baddest water pistol at Beach Boogie, and thus was responsible for scaling up many of the water fights.
Fiona
who took any opportunity to parade around in her wet T shirt, showing off her large assets.
William who had all his fingernails and toenails painted brightly and seemed to enjoy
parading around in a camp way far too much.
And Carol who obviously anticipated large amounts of excitement at Beach Boogie and brought her sewing machine with her to pass the time
Such outrageous behaviour could not be equalled anywhere in the land, and so the punishment had to happen. Someone stuck a smelly fish in their chalet and left it there for 4 days.
Apparently it got so bad that the plumber came to check the drains, and when it got really bad, Carol tried changing her socks in an attempt to improve the smell. The fish was
discovered at the end of the week and they all lived happily ever after.
Any more angles on this story?
your courageous information supplier
Anon
What does it take to get voted Most Entertaining Couple in an airsteps championships?
Well,
I first met Carol at the Jive Spree in May 1999 and we seemed to get on quite well with our dancing.
Her chums Sarah and Lisa graciously accepted my invitation to a 4am (yes Am) tea-party (and wild horses couldn't keep Simon away!!!) so this encouraged me to give Jive Bug in Fleet a try. With people like that around how could I stay away (after all, that was the night we
found out that Simon fitted Heather's clothes very nicely...)
Over the next few months Carol stepped on my toes many times and elbowed me hard in the face at least once.
At Beach Boogie we did our first airsteps lessons together and decided to enter the competion
(it took the two of us and Sarah a whole afternoon with our CDs to find a track that was just plain stupid enough)!
How did our rehearsals go? My biceps grew and that's a fact! Also during a handstand Carol broke wind clean in my face and, a few days later, kicked me square in the testicals.
This dancing lark is not for the faint hearted...
Ian.
PS. She's now agreed to do the Showcase in Robert Austin's Jive competition with me. What am I doing!?!
Why, oh why, oh why, oh why, oh why, oh why....
A post-script from Carol "Singer" Hatton - the reserved half of the air-steps couple:
I feel I must defend myself against the quite outrageous accusations made about me in the article above.
Firstly, I may have brushed Ian's face with my arm on the odd occasion at Fleet - but such minor discomfort seems inconsequential when viewed against my own experience of being
knocked unconscious after being elbowed in the face, taken to casualty and sporting a black eye for a fortnight.
Secondly, I may have inadvertantly, and silently, passed the tiniest amount of wind when lifting myself up onto Ian's shoulders by my stomach muscles. However, I think that this in
no way justifies my beloved partner's decision to broadcast it (1) to the other members of Chalets 75 and 76 (2)to the entire Beach Boogie camp at a meeting and (3) to the entire universe on the web.
Finally, I think that your decision to publicise my windy bottom justifies me kicking you in
the goolies during the aptly named air step "revenge". Sorry Ian, but I think you got everything you deserved. Wait until you see what I've got up my sleeve for LeJive......".
Please publish Alan - my reputation depends on it.
Carol.x
A post post-script script from Ian "oh really?" Rogers - the "if Carol's reserved then I must
be catatonic" half of the airsteps couple. I'd just to say:
1. It wasn't me who put her in the hospital.
2. You were windy on my shoulders too eh? I hadn't noticed that one - I guess after the catalogue of other physical insults I'd become immune....
Give it yer best shot and see what I grab during the washing-machine!
Yours professionally,
Ian.
DEFENCE STATEMENT FROM CHALET 75
Chalet 75 would like it to be known that:
- Until the Tuesday we were a nice shy retiring bunch with only a certain Simon White enjoying a water fight or two. The fact that he dunked a member of Chalet 76 into a full
bath of freezing cold water in no way justifies the treatment that was received by us later in the week.
- We had our week planned with some quiet music, some good quality wine, excellent cuisine and quiet evenings making clothes on Carol's sewing machine.
- We went to the Gangsters and Molls party dressed in style, with everyone making a huge effort. Marilene had the best sense of humour having put a huge brown mole on her face and
claiming that she was dyslexic!
- Following the disappearance of Simon and Marilene on the Tuesday, Chalet 75 was down to 2 innocent, stunningly attractive, slim and groovy members.
- 2 fabulous people, one stunningly attractive groovy chick and a git soon joined us! Some how Chalet 76 decided that they would play a few tricks on the innocent people next door:
- Skate Wings on the heating element?
- Wafting flour on their floor so that they could see foot prints if we had gone into their chalet,
- Enlisting help from copious amounts of other people during the pie fight giving them an unfair advantage,
- Forcing us to shower together with clothes on to get rid of unspeakable items of food that had been thrown at us.
- Stealing a can of our squirty cream
- Keeping us awake until all hours of the morning
- MAKING us drink Red Bull so that we had to come down off of a caffeine high after Beach Boogie,
- Making us behave in a manner more suited to a nursery playground with a blow up Crocodile,
- Making us dress up as chefs and disturb the fantastic lessons that were going on whilst chasing a chicken
- Making us throw Popcorn and various other missiles in the cinema,
- Making us behave like lunatics in the Night Club,
- Causing us to have no sleep.
- Making us strip in public on several occasions and tie-up one of the said organisers with hairdryer flex
- Attaching strings to our legs and covering us with talcum powder.
- Making us start a new linguistics club, namely "ooh eee ooh aaah aaah, ting tang awalla walla bing bang.
- Giving us no to choice but to be a party to everything as one of the organisers was an inhabitant of next door.
We would like it to be known that the Tuesday onwards gang of Chalet 75 were all Beach Boogie Virgins and therefore can in no way be held responsible for any of our behaviour. We were hugely
influenced by Chalet 76 and therefore felt if you can't beat them, join them.
Here endith the defence for Chalet 75.
Please note we all had the most fantastic time and 2 CARPETS and A SIDE PANEL OF A BATH later were worth the money!
P.S. Plans are already in action for next year. Always check what's behind you, Big Brother will be watching.
P.P.S. Rules for Beach Boogie:
- Check ruck sack for offensive smelling foreign objects
- Check all areas of car for unopened pots of yoghurt.
- Never ask the chalet next door to look after your key in your absence.
Hello Alan,
I'm Fiona, (chalet 75) the one who (under duress and enormous peer group pressure) got involved in a water fight and inadvertantly let slip that I am in fact, female. It was quite
obvious since the T-shirt I was wearing was perhaps and little see-through when wet and the water was very cold! Anyway 'nuff said on that I think since ANON has already published this
story for the entire world to view.
Concerning the fish story.
Heather and Andy (two of the hell-spawned demons in chalet 76) asked Tescos for the oldest and smelliest fish in the entire supermarket at which a skate-wing was produced and then
placed on our heater element in the bathroom under cunning concealment. This was on Tuesday and the fish was not discovered until Sunday!!!!! Despite copious amounts of
gaphawing from chalet 76 they never admitted that they planted the fish in our bathroom until the plumber discovered it on his THIRD visit.
We decided to take vengeful preservation when we rescued the fish from the bin and placed it in Andy's rucksack. I therefore have the following comment to make.
"The ancient Greeks wrote in legend of a terrible container in which all the evils of the world were trapped. How prohetic they were. All they got wrong was the name. They called it
"Pandora's box" when of course they meant "Andy's Rucksack". We were told that when the box was opened, the world turned to darkness because of Pandora's fatal curiousity. I charge
you now Andy Fleming, for the good of all mankind never allow curiousity to lead you to purchase another skate wing."
My statement hereby terminates.
Fiona.
In defence of Chalet 76
I have it on good authority that contrary to Chalet 75's claims, the remaining members from Tuesday onwards had not planned a quiet week of good food, wine and cuisine, and were in fact planning
subversive activities that were planned to wreak havoc on the entire community at Beach Boogie. The inhabitants of Chalet 76 got wind of this (no pun intended Carol) and decided to stop things before they
went too far. We decided that the best way forward was punishment on the Founder members of Chalet 75, henceforth to be known as Cult 75.
In addition we feel that in some ways our punishments helped the members of Cult 75 become better people. Therefore I begin with our defence:
1. Skate wing on the heating element was meant to cover up the smell of Carol's socks, and was seen by the members of Chalet 76 as a means to help those in 75. It should be noted, that in order
that we were extra, extra helpful, Heather did indeed quiz the man on the fish counter in Tesco's as to the smelliest form of Fish, thereby ensuring that the other smell was disguised. We feel therefore,
that we may have saved the members of Cult 75 from a far worse fate at the hands of Carol's feet.
2. Wafting Flour on our carpet seemed like a good idea at the time (6 Red Bull and Vodka's later), and Andy (the nicer member of the Flemming Bros) assured me that this was the best method for
securing ones accommodation (tried and tested at University). We the members of Chalet 76 feel that this was a most environmentally friendly way of securing our Chalet against the growing CULT
next door.
3. With respect to the help received at the pie fight we cannot help it if WE WERE MORE POPULAR THAN CULT 75. Thus, we feel it is not fair that those in 75 use this as a means to
slander our reputation. The fact that we used food colouring, that the founder members of CULT 75
couldn't get out of their hair for days, is besides the point. It should be noted that we feel that we spared them even greater crisis, in that Mr Flemming persuaded me not to buy RED and
ORANGE colours as well. Thus, the members of chalet 75 only had one colour to deal with. With respect to the sour milk that was used to produce the pies used, we hope the members of CULT 75
appreciated how horrid it is to make custard with sour milk.
4. With respect to showering together we feel that this could have only served to help the friendship already developing next door eh Carol.
5. We saw the stealing of the can of squirty cream as fair since SOMEONE hard boiled all of our eggs. However, little did you know at the time that we were going to hurl them at you in the pie
fight har har har.
6. With respect to RED BULL we at 76 want it to be known that it was CULT 75 who purchased an entire Crate of Red bull which if I remember correctly consisted of 24 cans!!!!. Between four
of them with two days left.
7. In answer to your claim concerning Karl the crocodile we will not have to speaking about him a
derogatory manner - he was, and still remains the only member of our Chalet who held it together throughout the week, despite the lack of sleep and countless disturbances from NEXT DOOR
..
And, if you recall began the week on the roof of Heather's Car taped above the luggage. Which was very brave of him considering Heather's driving!!!!.
8. With respect to the Chef incident - WE HAD TO CATCH THE CHICKEN. I do believe it was your honorary member (the other Flemming bro) who supplied the RED Paint for the Box of
PAXO that we subsequently used (amongst other kitchen utensils) to chase the Chicken with.
9. With respect to the Night Club, we feel that the members of Chalet 76 demonstrated incredible artistic merit with among other incidents Heather's Death dive into the arms of six gorgeous
members of the Beach Boogie gang to the music from "Fame" .This we feel was an incredible show of talent from Heather, not least that her interpretation of the music was spot on (eh Nigel & Nina)
and since this, several members from Stunt teams have approached her and offered vast amounts of money for employment as a stuntman. In addition, we feel that Andy's remarkable talent for
walking on his hands across the night club deserves a mention and impressed the many Beer swilling locals I could tell from the admiring (or is it hating) looks we received. WE the members of
Chalet 76 feel that these incidents show our true artistic potential.
10. The lack of sleep received cannot totally be blamed on our CHALET we feel that in fact it was the members of Cult 75 who kept us awake all night to their ritualistic chants to "History
Repeating" at 3am every morning.
11. With respect to the bondage incident experienced by one of our members -I am trying to take criminal proceedings forward, but said member of CHALET 76 it reluctant to press charges and
keeps lying on the floor singing "
the minute you waked in the room
"
In summary we the inhabitants of Chalet 76 feel that if Chalet 75 cannot take a joke then they should stay at home. And if they can't take the heat to get out of the Kitchen (like the chicken did).
I hereby rest the case for Chalet 76.
Julia Flower.
What it takes to live up to the expectations of being put on *last* in the first caberet...
Ingredients
Four expensive multi-coloured glowing flashing things.
A pinch of juggling experience.
1 willing and able sister.
1 piece of music that I heard some time & sounded like it had a circular theme.
6oz Micropore tape.
1 kindly man who owns micropore tape.
1 close friend with the ability to say "that's crap, try it like this"
More micropore tape.
RSI.
1 masseur.
Instructions
Take the four glowing flashing things, and learn to wave them in the air.
Visit airport with two of them, and practice misdirecting planes.
Add sister, and stir gently. Teach her the art of waving things in the air.
Add music, and spend half an hour waving things around with sister.
Carefully fold in RSI. Complain a lot and stop practicing.
Go to Beach Boogie.
Eventually give in to sister's suggestions that rehearsals are needed.
Recruit friend.
Listen to friend, and stand in different places for the waving around.
Complain about RSI. Seek masseur.
Break expensive glowing things. Curse a lot.
Micropore Man to the rescue! Wrap loads of micropore tape around broken glowing things.
Discover that we're on last in caberet. Attack of nerves.
Caberet starts. Attack of nerves.
Discover caberet to be excellent. More nerves.
Fuse lights so no-one can see what we're doing. Nerves subside a little.
Act starts. Watch sister begin waving things around. Yet more nerves.
Wander on stage throwing three glowing things around. Drop lots.
Get fed up dropping things, discard one, wave two around. Much easier.
Wave things around too fast. Attack of RSI. Ouch.
Finish. Enjoy rapturous applause. Feel bemused, try to calm down.
Unable to move forearms. Seek masseur.
Hug sister.
On a more serious note, a big thank you to the BB organisers for letting us try this - nerves aside, it
was serious fun, and to everyone else for being a wonderful audience. Another big thank you to the people who helped make it possible - most notably Sarah Lumber for correcting the staging, Andy
Fleming for watching rehearsals and helping out, and last but not least, the Micropore Man (who's name I've forgotten) without whom the clubs may have remained broken (ie no act). And a quick
round of applause for Aerotech, who make glowing flashing things for waving around kind of purposes.
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